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The Pen Iz Mightier Flag Football

PLAYOFFS ROUND 2: The Pen Iz Mightier 18, Skinny White Boys 9

The Pen Iz Mightier took revenge for the only loss in franchise history by knocking off the undefeated Skinny White Boys 18-9 in the quarterfinals of the Wake Forest A-League Flag Football playoffs.

Matt Lopatka and Dante McGwire both had interceptions as the Iz Mightier defense held the Skinny White Boys to only one offensive touchdown, three less than the White Boys offense put up in the first meeting. The defense mixed in one, two, and three man blitz packages and came up with a critical defensive stand in the closing seconds to preserve what had been a 15-point lead.

On the opening drive of the game, Lopatka picked off McBeerdrinker on fourth down to give The Pen Iz Mightier the early momentum. The Iz Mightier offense quickly found itself in third and goal from the 22, but Larson hit Scott Marino for 15 yards, then found Matt Daniels in the end zone on fourth down for a 6-0 lead. McBeerdrinker jumped in front of an out route to Marino on the conversion and ran it back for three points.

McGuire intercepted another McBeerdrinker pass on second down to give The Pen Iz Mightier the ball back, and after Larson ripped off a dazzling 20-yard run to move the ball to the 3, Ryan Myers slipped out in to the flats and caught his first touchdown of the year. The conversion again failed, and the teams went into halftime with the score 12-3.

On the first play of the second half, Daniels began to run a crossing route and quickly broke downfield behind safety Some Pretty Slow Guy. Larson hit Daniels in stride 50 yards downfield, and Daniels outran the secondary into the end zone to put The Pen Iz Mightier up 18-3.

The Skinny White Boys methodically marched down the field on their next drive, finally getting into the end zone when McBeerdrinker faked an option and flipped a short out route to Al. The Pen Iz Mightier defense bowed its neck, stopping the Skinny White Boys on two consecutive two-point conversion attempts. Marino knocked away the first attempt, but a roughing the passer penalty allowed the Skinny White Boys to try again from the 5. This time McBeerdrinker's pass was intercepted by Marino and The Pen Iz Mightier led 18-9.

The Pen Iz Mightier went nowhere on the following drive, as a critical illegal forward pass penalty on Larson on first down moved the ball quickly back to the 7. Not taking any chances, The Pen Iz Mightier elected to punt, and Lopatka's punt pushed the ball back to the White Boy 35-yard line.

The Skinny White Boys marched down inside the 20 in just four plays and had first-and-goal from the 14 with 1:35 on the clock. After an incomplete pass on first down, Myers sacked McBeerdrinker back at the 19. The Iz Mightier defense then forced two more incomplete passes from McBeerdrinker and kneeled the ball to run out the final 40 seconds.

The Pen Iz Mightier will face Sig Chi today at 6:00 pm. Sig Chi upset Sig Ep on an untimed final play that followed a controversial penalty on Sig Ep on what appeared to be the final play of the game.

PLAYOFFS ROUND 1: The Pen Iz Mightier 31, C1B 12

Just six days after the relatively unknown C1B squad nearly pulled the upset of the century and perhaps the millenium, The Pen Iz Mightier took care of business much more handly with a a convincing 31-12 win over the freshman team.

Anders Larson staked his claim to the Intramural Heisman by tossing four touchdown passes, including a 55-yard bomb to Matt Daniels late in the fourth quarter that made a statement to voters.

"It's out of my hands now," Larson said of the award. "If the voters don't think I deserve the Heisman, then there's nothing I can do. But honestly, what are the odds of that happening?"

Daniels turned in a monster performance as well, catching three touchdown passes and intercepting two passes, including one that he took back for a touchdown. Scott Marino caught the other touchdown for an Iz Mightier offense that saw five different players catch two or more passes.

The Iz Mightier defense improved from its lackluster performance, but flag-grabbing and long passes still have Larson concerned.

"There's no excuses for some of the stuff that's still going on out there," Larson said. "We know we have a big one next week, and I don't that weak [expletive deleted] is gonna cut it. Period, end of [expletive deleted] story. You know it, I know it, that was horse-[expletive deleted], now let's just move the [expletive deleted] on, please. Son of a [expletive deleted]."

WEEK 3: The Pen Iz Mightier 23, C1B 13

The Pen Iz Mightier let a blowout turn into a barnburner, held firm when it counted, then added an insurance touchdown late to pick up a 23-13 win over C1B. Anders Larson, who had two touchdown passes in the first half, threw his first two picks of the year in the game, including one that set up the C1B score that brought the score to 14-13.

The game went just as the experts predicted in the first half, with The Pen Iz Mightier scoring easily on its first two drives. Matt Lopatka caught his first touchdown pass of the year on a comeback route on the right sideline on the first Iz Mightier drive, and lineman Clay Cline slipped out in the flats and caught the two-point conversion pass from Larson. After a 3-and-out from C1B, Larson found Scott Marino on a fourth and goal from the 3 to put the Pen Iz Mightier up 14-0. Larson threw his first career pick on the conversion, and The Short QB nearly ran it back after 4 missed flag-grab attempts.

Larson intercepted The Short QB on the next possession and quickly pitched to Marino, who ran the ball back to their own 35 with 1:00 to go. Larson tossed a 50-yard bomb to Matt Daniels in the endzone on 2nd down, but Daniels lost the ball in the lights and dropped what would have been The Pen Iz Mightier's 3rd touchdown of the half. Larson's hail mary fell incomplete on the next play as time expired.

C1B came out in the second half as a new team. They marched down the field with crossing routes, almost exclusively to the left side, and scored a touchdown and a one-point conversion. Larson led the Iz Mightier offense down the field on the ensuing possession, but on 2nd down from the 15, he forced a seam route to Marino and Some Big Guy picked it off for C1B.

C1B again stormed down the field, and The Short QB ran in on first and goal from the 20 after two missed flag-grab attempts by the Iz Mightier defense. C1B went for the lead with a 2-point conversion, but a blitz by Larson and Daniels forced The Short QB to dump the ball to Some Lineman, who was quickly stopped by the rest of the Iz Mightier defense.

Not settling for a one-point win, The Pen Iz Mightier offense moved down the field with a series of scrambles and dump passes against an overly aggressive C1B defense. On 1st and goal from the 15 with 20 seconds left, Larson told Cline and Myers straight up, "I'm not throwing the ball. I'm running in for a touchdown." Larson sat in the pocket briefly, then rolled left, gave Some D-Line Guy a pump fake, then took off towards the end zone. After a quick juke move at the 2, Larson dove into the end zone for a touchdown and a guaranteed spot on Chris Berman's top 10 of the week.

The Pen Iz Mightier went for 3 on the conversion, and Larson hit Daniels on 20-yard out route to put the final score at 23-13. The playoffs reportedly start next week, but no matchups have been set.

WEEK 2: Skinny White Boys 26, The Pen Iz Mightier 20

A number of defensive blunders, fluke catches, and questionable calls added up to the first loss in the storied history of The Pen Iz Mightier football, as the Skinny White Boys knocked them off 26-20 last night.

The Iz Mightier defense started out on the wrong foot when Anders Larson misjudged what appeared to be a sure interception, allowing Some Guy of the Skinny White Boys to waltz into the endzone untouched.

"I let the guy get behind me, and the quarterback underthrew him, but I just misjudged the ball by a yard or so," Larson said. "If I take one step back, and I'm probably answering questions about a 60-yard interception return right now."

The next offensive series was not pretty, but after several fortunate penalties, Larson found Matt Daniels on a comeback in the front corner of the endzone to tie the game at 6. The conversion pass to Clay Cline was broken up.

The Iz Mightier defense again found itself on its heels the next drive, but the clock nearly bailed them out this time. As time expired in the half, McBeerDrinker scrambled around and lobbed a ball to the back of the end zone to Some Other Guy. Safety Scott Marino tipped the ball, but Some Other Guy managed to reel the ball in; however, one foot was clearly planted 6 inches out of bounds, but since no referee was within 20 yards of the play, they guessed and ruled it a touchdown.

Three plays into The Pen Iz Mightier's opening drive of the second half, Larson hit Marino in stride up the seam after he beat McBeerDrinker on a go route. Marino outraced McBeerDrinker and others for a 55-yard touchdown, and Larson's fade to Daniels was complete for the 1-point conversion to tie the score at 13.

The next drive, McBeerDrinker again trid to go deep to Some Guy, but Matt Daniels was in perfect position to make the pick or break up the pass. Daniels tipped the ball, but as he and Some Guy fell to the ground, the ball somehow stayed on Daniels back and Some Guy managed to snag it before it hit the ground. Officials again did not see the play, but assumed that the catch was good, which it was this time. McBeerDrinker scored on a run several plays later to give the White Boys a 20-13 lead.
On their next drive, the Iz Mightier offense mounted a staggering -10 yards of offense on two sacks and an incomplete pass, and Matt Lopatka punted for the first and only time this season. Again the Skinny White Boys marched down the field, this time scoring on an option play as McBeerDrinker dove past Larson, who moved to avoid being hit by a flying McBeerDrinker. Although diving at a player had been clearly disallowed earlier in the game, no call was made.

The Pen Iz Mightier added a virtually meaningless touchdown on their final drive, as Larson flipped to Cline twice to keep the drive alive, then found Daniels on a shake route for a touchdown despite being knocked down by a White Boy defensive lineman.

The Pen Iz Mightier plays Some Freshman Team next week at 10:00 in the final regular season game. The Pen Iz Mightier opens the week as 17-point favorites over the Freshmen. Vegas still lists The Pen Iz Mightier as 3:1 to win the title, while the Skinny White Boys have jumped to 3:2 after the win.

WEEK 1: The Pen Iz Mightier 18, Sig Ep 0

Anders Larson threw for three TDs and made one interception on the defensive side of the ball as The Pen Iz Mightier rolled to an easy victory over Sig Ep and made a statement to the rest of the league about who the team to beat in A-league will be.

Former walkon quarterback Matt "Yodel" Daniels caught an estimated 10 passes for an estimated 120 yards and two touchdowns, and former 3rd string wide receiver Scott "Mullet" Marino added another estimated 5 catches for an estimated 75 yards and a touchdown.

Jeff Malarkey, Ryan Myers, and "Hog of the Week" Clay Cline answered one of the looming questions for The Pen Iz Mightier, as the three blockers did not allow Larson to be sacked once. Matt Lopatka held down the proverbial fort at the 3rd wide receiver, catching two passes for 25 yards.

Sig Ep was not able to move the ball inside the 20-yard line against a star-studded Iz Mightier defense that included Cline and Dante "The Inferno" (last name unknown) along the defensive line, Rob "Wing Zone" Lynch at middle linebacker, Larson and Myers at corner, and Daniels and Marino playing safety. The Iz Mightier defense forced a punt on Sig Ep's first possession, then held twice on 3rd and inches the next time Sig Ep touched the ball. Larson's pick late in the second half allowed Myers and Cline to get some work at wide receiver on The Pen Iz Mightier's final drive. Myers caught one pass for 10 yards, but Larson was unable to connect with Cline on a slant pass on 4th down with 15 seconds remaining.

Cline appeared to score a one-point conversion earlier in the game, but an Indian referee with a mustache ruled that Larson was across the line when he made his scintillating, Phillip Rivers-esque flip to Cline.


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