Think about this: we pay Wake Forest 30-some thousand dollars a year, go to class five days a week, spend most of our free time doing work, and then the school gives us these grades to let us know if we’re doing well enough to stay in school. It’s a pretty sweet gig we got going here (I guess maybe the whole diploma thing is working in our favor). Anyway, on the heels of midterm grades, it’s time to see if Wake is holding up their end of the bargain. It’s time for me to hand out my midterm grade for Wake Forest.
To do this, I’m going to run through a typical week here and evaluate how good of a time I’m really having. We’ll start on Monday, because I’ve always had a problem with the week starting on Sunday. Sunday is the end of the week. That’s just how it is. Anyway…
Monday morning I wake up WAYYYY to early – 6:30 in the a.m. If I wasn’t playing football, I would never even see 6:30 a.m. on the clock. Never. But still, not a good way to get things started. After a painfully long meeting, I head to the Pit to get breakfast. Breakfast is admittedly pretty good at the Pit – French toast or pancakes each day, along with fairly edible scrambled eggs, bacon (it’s not possible to make bad bacon), and a variety of other breakfast foods that I don’t really mess with.
After breakfast, I’ve got until 10:00 before I have to be in class, so naturally it’s time to go back to sleep. Power naps are essential anytime you’re working with 6 hours of sleep per night. I don’t know, but in some strange way it’s almost better this way, because there is NO better feeling than getting back into bed for that dearly needed sleep. However, waking up a mere one hour later in the midst of a dream (I always wake up during a dream here) is painfully difficult.
My 10:00 class, Math 112, is probably my favorite, if for no other reason than it only lasts 50 minutes. There is also very little homework in there, and I can generally stay awake in class without much effort. If this class had its own grade, I’d say it would be a B+. After math I swing by the room for a crucial 30 minute power nap before heading to my 12:00 class. This is my first-year seminar, Internet Issues, which is also fairly bearable. This one is an hour and 15 minutes long, but I honestly have yet to fall asleep in this class. That in itself is an endorsement of the class. After Internet Issues, I’m done with class for the day. Class-wise, Monday isn’t bad at all.
After class, I grab lunch at the Pit; lines are too long at Subway and the Mexican and Italian places, so I have the luxury of choosing between reheated hamburgers at Grille Works and the boring food du jour at the Home Zone. After my delightful lunch, I hang around in my room before heading to late football practice at 6:00. Homework during this time is a must, because with Monday Night Football on, there is hardly any chance of doing homework after practice. Football practice on Monday really isn’t too bad – 30 minutes of weightlifting, a meeting, and only a 90-minute practice in shorts and helmets. After practice I get a late dinner at Benson (slightly better than the Pit in my opinion), then put off homework while watching football until I fall asleep around 12:30. All things considered, Monday at Wake Forest gets a B.
On Tuesday I get to set the alarm clock back an entire 15 minutes to 6:45 a.m. But that’s about the only good thing about Tuesdays. After my meeting, I eat a quicker breakfast at Benson (cereal, orange juice, and a muffin – everyday) while reading stuff for my 8:00 class, History 103. History has never been a personal favorite of mine, and this is no different. Lots of reading, lots of lecture, lots of me trying desperately to hold my eyelids up. It could be worse, I guess; it could be Religion. Religion is my third class on Tuesday (I have math at 10:00 as well), and although it’s scheduled for only 75 minutes, it generally lasts between 6 and 7 hours.
Practice on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday begins at 3:00, so I get to procrastinate on my homework until later in the night. Tuesday is our “work day” at practice, which means we go full pads for two hours. After practice the team eats together in the Magnolia Room, where we get a buffet of cafeteria-style food (salad, corn, green beans, mashed potatoes, some sort of meat product). Sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming. Thankfully, we get ice cream sundaes for desert, which are almost good enough to salvage the meal. However, since “almost” only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, the meal still pretty much sucks. Overall, Tuesday barely passes – D+.
Wednesday I wake up at 6:45 again and follow the same routine as Monday until I’m through with class. Practice on Wednesday is only an hour and 45 minutes and we only wear shorts and shoulder pads. Unfortunately, as a exchange team (a euphemism the coaches use for scout team) member, I have 70 minutes straight of scrimmaging against the defense, while the coaches yell things like “Look at the card,” “Don’t worry about what’s on the card, do what I tell you to,” “Don’t tell me who shot John,” and “Don’t tell me how deep the water is.” I still don’t know how deep the water is. After Wednesday practice, it’s back to the Magnolia Room for another generic meal, then back to the dorm to try unsuccessfully to do my history reading. Fun stuff. Wednesday, merely by the fact that I only have two classes and I get a nap, surpasses Tuesday and gets a C-.
By Thursday, things are beginning to look up. The weekend is almost within reach, I only have two classes, I get a two-hour nap, we have a light practice for an hour and a half, and I can stay up later since I have no meetings the next day. But… none of this seems to cheer me up when I wake up before 7:00 for the fourth straight day. Not one bit. Then there’s my 8:00 History class where I try to act like I did the reading. This is never an easy task. I want to say something during class to give the impression that I know something or simply have some intelligence, but I have to make sure to avoid those dastardly follow-up questions, which I will inevitably be unprepared for.
Anyway… from here on out, Thursday is golden. After I get back from practice, I’m so giddy about my extra two hours of sleep that I end up screwing around much later than usual, thereby eliminating most of the extra sleep I was going to get. But then again, I don’t need the sleep since I can nap all day Friday if I want. Ha ha ha! Who’s going to stop me? Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!
Sorry about that. All in all, Thursday gets a well-deserved B+.
Friday morning I wake up at around 9:30, always more tired than I had previously projected, toss on some clothes and head to get a nice breakfast at the Pit before my one… and ONLY class of the day. As an added bonus, the one class is Math, which I really don’t mind at all. After class, I’m so excited about having nothing to do that I can’t go back to sleep. It’s odd, but on the days when I have nothing to do, I never want to sleep, because by sleeping I wouldn’t get to fully appreciate all the nothing I have to do.
So after around eight or nine hours of nothing, I head downstairs to try to find something to do. Often, something to do basically means “pre-gaming” in someone’s room while we try to figure out what party to go to. I usually hang out with some old friends like James Beam, John Daniels, and Jorge Dickel. The parties themselves at Wake are hit-or-miss, so we end up bouncing around quite a bit. Some simply involve standing around drinking and discussing various drunken topics with friends, while others have the added element of a dance floor. I prefer the latter, because in addition to looking ridiculous myself, I get to watch other uncoordinated white guys “get their dance on.” It really doesn’t get much better than white people dancing while Juvenile’s “Back That Ass Up” is playing. Depending on the party scene, Friday receives anywhere from an A- to an A+.
With Saturday, you never can tell. Things always start off well, as I wake up pretty much as late as I want and meander down to the Pit for a late breakfast. After this, if we have a road game this week, I head back to the dorm and watch the game with some friends (unfortunately, there aren’t really any great places to go to watch the game at Wake, so we settle for a 13’x15’ dorm room). If we have a home game, I head over to the locker room on campus about 2 hours before kickoff, get myself looking pretty for the TV cameras, and then get on the bus to go to the game. As soon as we get to the stadium, we have around a 45 minute period where we can go out on the field and do whatever we want. I generally toss the old pigskin around, because I can throw more in this time than I do at practice all week. About 40 minutes before kickoff, backs and receivers head out onto the field for warm-ups. By my count, I am throwing at roughly a 90% clip this year in warm-ups, with a QB rating of 178.4, good for 3rd in the nation. I take warm-ups very seriously.
After warm-ups, we head back to the locker room for about 15 minutes, get a pep-talk and a pregame prayer, then I get myself hyped up for a game that I have no chance of participating in. Actually, I do get fairly excited when we run out onto the field, occasionally leaping up onto the midfield pile of players. From there, I promptly take off my helmet and watch the game like the other 25,000 people there.
Now, my Saturday night hinges heavily on what the scoreboard says at the end of the game. If we win, the night follows the same general pattern as Friday: kill time (drink) in dorms, go to party A, find out it sucks, go to party B, decide it’s better, watch white people dance, order pizza, hurry back to the dorm to eat it, fall directly asleep. In that case, I give Saturday a very solid A. However, the team is 5-5 this year, meaning five Saturday nights didn’t go quite according to plan. On these nights, I basically mull over whether or not to go out for a couple of hours, inevitably decide to try to console myself at a party, head out only to find the party isn’t really much fun, order a pizza, head back to the dorm to get it, eat it, then sluggishly head back to my room. If things work out like this, well, Saturday deserves no better than a B.
On Sundays, I spend most of my day watching football until I finally break down and force myself to do homework. After 15 grueling minutes, I kick back and relax for another couple of hours of football before making myself work again. All told, I usually get about 45 minutes of homework done, or roughly a third of what I should have done. After around 9:00, I cease to do anything productive and head downstairs because I have absolutely no desire to go to sleep. Finally, at around 12:30 Monday morning, I trudge upstairs to bed. Sunday’s mediocre performance earns it a B-. The week is over.
Now that I’ve gone through an entire week at Wake Forest, it’s time to figure out Wake’s midterm GPA. First, let me give you an idea of our GPA’s at Wake. I asked one of my friends, who will remain nameless, what his GPA was.
“I’m not sure,” he said. “I haven’t figured it out yet. Let’s see… what’s 6 divided by 4?”
“1.5,” I responded.
Anyway, let’s calculate this thing. To calculate this GPA, first we add all the grade points for each day: 3.00 (M) + 1.33 (Tu) + 1.67 (W) + 3.33 (Th) + 4.0 (F) + 3.5 (average of Saturday’s two possibilities) + 2.67 (Su) = 19.5 Next, divide by the total number of days: 19.5/7 = 2.79 Then, subtract tuition: 2.79-34,000 = -33,997.21 Finally, add back in the fact that I’m spoiled because my parents pay every cent of that: -33,997.21+34,000 = 2.79
Wake Forest’s Midterm Grade: 2.79 (B-)